#This is 40

Random Thoughts

Today is my Birthday, from the title you can see which birthday it is. I wanted to write this down since this birthday is a Milestone and a new age bracket in my life. Just a little over 100 years ago 40 was the average life expectancy, by this age I would have been put out to pasture to the porch drinking lemonade.  Don’t mind me this is what I do I find facts about unnecessary shit.

Though it supports what I am working towards here…Today I am 40, no longer the old grammy who would have one foot in the grave or maybe even both. I am a woman of a certain age and yet I don’t look it nor even better feel it. I remember being 16 and thinking God what would I look like at 40? Hell, if I’m honest I thought it at 23!

This Dominicanyor, (Dominican from New York, only my peeps on the Island understand this term) who grew up via Philly became who you see before you today. A sarcastic pain in the ass! No, really, looking back in my life I never thought in 100 years that I would stand here today.

Where do I stand?

Good question, I am the mother of 4 bright, kinda innocent and loving kids who will eventually become my legacy, the wife of a sexy 43 yr old retired Master SGT who doesn’t know I refer to him in this manner! (Always keep them guessing). I work as a Business Analyst for a non-profit, who day dreams about polish and cake.

Though these things don’t seem like much, I have to tell you I never thought I would make it to 25 never the less 40.


Well, there wasn’t much expected from me and not ending up on welfare was about a big of a goal I was allowed to dream up, or so I thought. I’ve been working since I was 17 without a break and have climbed high enough in my career and education beyond anything I ever dream I could be.

Do I regret it?

No. See our mistakes and hardships build the person we become. I am grateful to have learned things the hard way in order to be who I am, and more importantly to build who my children have become. I appreciate having to lose my innocence early on and grow up too soon in order to be strong, dependable and independent.

Is there anything you do regret?

When I look back I regret giving so much of myself to people who didn’t deserve it and then have to learn how to give of myself to those who truly deserve it. If I could talk to my 17 yr old self I would tell her, love yourself more and stop thinking that you can make anyone else happy before making your self happy.

My story is long and twisty and not everyone who knows me knows the entire story except my husband. He knows me just about as well as I do, sometimes better.

Speaking of things I did right in my life, he is tops on the list. This man took this crazy, neurotic basket case and loves her for everything she is whether she knows it or not. He accepted the person in front of him broken and flawed and got her to see how much she truly is and allowed her to grow and love herself. I am forever grateful.

Today I am 40, not at the end of my life, but somehow on a precipice facing a new start and with more than half my life ahead of me!

Thanks for Reading.






2 replies to “#This is 40

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